People date for a variety of reasons. Some are looking for short-term companionship, while others are looking for a mate for life. Know what you want.Relationships can be tricky. When couples get together, they often assume the other person is looking for the same thing. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.
As you date, you need to evaluate specific aspects of the relationship to see if it matches your dating goals. View each of your first few dates with the same person in a similar way to a job interview.
Temporary Companion or Permanent Possibility
If you are looking for someone to pass the time with and not have any lasting ties, that’s fine. However, if the other person starts humming the “Wedding March” or talks about where you’ll be as a couple years from now, it’s time to have a serious talk.
Instead of closing the door to the relationship deepening, let the other person know you’re not ready for a serious commitment at the present time. If this is a problem, it allows him to back away and find someone who is more suited to what he’s looking for. You may discover that he wants the same thing you want, and he was only acting out of his perception of your expectations.
Respect Yourself
A dating relationship is only as good as each person’s self-respect. If a woman doesn’t feel that she deserves happiness, she’ll find someone who treats her badly. A man who doesn’t understand his value as a boyfriend may settle for someone he’s not crazy about.
Kindness includes being good to yourself and expecting the same from others.
You don’t need to do anything out of desperation. Be patient and allow the relationship to take shape naturally.
If the other person treats you in a disrespectful manner, speak up and discuss what bothers you.
Respect the Other Person
If you have respect for the other person, she is more likely to respect you in return. Be willing to invest effort in the relationship because you care and want to provide a seamless shield around the two of you.
How to show respect:
Ask the other person’s opinion on things that matter.
Listen attentively when the other person needs to talk.
Be on time for dates. If this is ever a problem, call and explain.
Avoid being defensive.
Take responsibility for mistakes.
Don’t be afraid to apologize when you’re wrong.
Accept sincere apologies from the other person.
Never belittle the other person.
Similar Values
One of the biggest problem areas for many couples is based on different values. This can involve a variety of issues – from religious faith to how money is perceived. Although some couples with different values can be successful, the chances are high that there will be serious problems in the relationship. After the first couple of dates, you should have an idea of the other person’s values. If you make it past the third date, congratulations are in order. Now it’s time to talk about your values and ask questions.
What to discuss during the dating process:
Talk about religious beliefs and how they play a part in the person’s life.
Find out the other person’s view of money. Is she a spender or a saver? Does he like to have a nest egg, or live for today and worry about tomorrow later?
Discuss the importance of career and how much time it will take from the relationship.
Talk about how much time she expects to spend with you. Some couples enjoy spending all their time together, while others like to slip away from the other person for a while.
Being half of a couple can be rewarding if you have a healthy relationship. It’s important to know where you stand with the other person – if you’re together for companionship or if the relationship is heading toward a lifetime commitment. The healthiest unions between two people also involve a healthy dose of self-respect, respect for the other person and values that don’t conflict.
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