Choosing an Online Dating Website

There are a variety of dating websites available to both general and specialist groups. Dating agencies like Match.com, Yahoo Personals, and eHarmony deal with thousands of profiles worldwide, hosting millions of members looking for love. Other online dating sites, like JDate, ChristianCafe, BlackSingles.com, Hispanic Match.com, Senior Yahoo Personals, and more, concentrate purely on a single religion, ethnicity, or age group. I would never advocate selecting just a single specialist dating site at first because you really are putting all your eggs in one basket, but if you don't find what you're looking for on a general dating site, a specialty dating site may be just what you need.

Most dating sites have security and privacy policies and those that don't are best avoided. By security we mean that they vet their members, they have policies and terms of use allowing people to be removed, or barred from the site. They may have protective measures in place to ensure that the members dating online will not face any serious annoyance when logged in. On top of that some sites will register with data protection registrars and have a strict password system protecting accounts.

The very best dating sites will be aware particularly of women's issues when dating online and will have a positive policy allowing women members to block those who they do not wish to communicate with, without repercussions. There are some sites that penalize for blocking and we would never advocate you to use them.

Email should always be a private affair when dating online and the top dating sites usually keep your email within the site itself so that you have a protected in box but messages are never transmitted to your real world address. Instant messaging is increasingly seen as very important when dating online and allows instant communication with other members who are online at that time. This facilitates easy and private chats which can lead to positive relationship building.

Chat rooms don't occur on all dating websites but we see them as very useful for new daters and socialites who love to chat to many people at once. It is a good way of getting your typing and chat skills on top form. The best sites allow you to use a different name in a chat room to your regular profile to maintain anonymity levels. The other communication feature we now see increasingly is voicemail. Apart from being able to communicate online it is very useful to be able to lave voice messages and listen too without ever giving out a real phone number. Site s such as LoveBrowser.com utilize secure voicemail box Ids and passwords through a common number allowing people to send and receive voice messages between themselves and members they like.

Here are some key things I believe you should always keep in mind when attempting to use the Internet for romance.

* Use a professional introduction agency, one that has been established for at least 3 years
* Use an Internet dating specialist firm, not some extra which is an afterthought
* Use an agency that allows free profile registration for all members
* Use an online service that allows you to post more than one photo for free
* Use a dating services agency that has a secure ecommerce system
* Do not use completely free agencies as you don't often get top quality services
* Do find an online agency that offers email and messaging that are onsite
* Don't use agencies that insist on sending emails to your own inbox
* The best Internet dating specialists offer you great customer service
* Use an agency that is appealing and relaxed and suits your style
* Don't go for agencies that pay for adverts to catch your eye, they are not always the best
* Look for online agencies that provide detailed dating articles and advice
* Make sure that the online agency includes their full address and phone number
* International websites usually have the best variety of member profiles
* Find an Internet agency that is willing to chat about any issues you may have
* Use an agency that offers different methods of secure payment
* Some of the best dating agencies allow payment in different currencies
* It is essential that you can Browse & Find profiles for free
* Make sure that the search facilities are fast and suit your style of searching

How to Ask Someone Out: Get the Timing Right

When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors. Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.

Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives. To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life. The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.

The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier, or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship. Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city! On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault. Just a fact of life.

If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later. Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere. Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.

When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance. I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit. Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.

Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all. In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast. Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.

You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you. Be flexible in your arrangements. Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere. You assume too much. Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary , that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal. Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.

On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are mean to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low. If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you. Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes. That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it. Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.

If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part. Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect. Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?

So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.

- Understand when a woman has good reason to say no
- Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?
- Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on
- Always sound busy yourself
- Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time
- Choose a weeknight for the first date
- Chose the right moment to apprach a date in a bar of nightclub
- Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be
- Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect
- Don't get annoyed if she says no. Smile!
- Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already
- Work out the best moments to ask someone out
- Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well

Dealing your Sexuality While in Abstinence

People can have sexual urges and feelings while keeping their abstinence. We make choices about our behaviors to be abstinent or sexually active, and can still acknowledge, experience, and enjoy their sexuality. Remember that sexual thoughts, feelings, emotions, and desires are natural and a healthy part of sexual development.

Abstinence is viewed either as not having any type of sexual experience; or not having oral, vaginal, or vaginal sex; or not allowing penetration but accepting oral sex.

If you acknowledge these feeling but choose not to have any kind of sexual contact, you can redirect this sexual energy into other activities with or without a partner such as:

· dancing or exercising
· shopping or even window shopping
· reading a book
· watching a movie
· meditating
· taking a shower
· being with friends
· having a picnic in the park
· strolling on the beach
· playing video games
· giving or receiving hugs
· holding hands with someone you care about
· cooking dinner
· dining by candlelight

Aside from these, those who decide on getting physically intimate with a partner without having oral, anal, or vaginal sex can do the following:

· giving or receiving soft , sensuous, or deep passionate kisses
· enjoying a back rub or full body massage
· cuddling, caressing, or stroking each other with or without clothes on
· slowly and sensuously undressing one another
· touching one's self in front of a partner, with or without touching him or her, with or without orgasm
· skinny dipping in a pool or pond
· taking a shower or bathing together

There are many reasons for a person to become abstinent, including religious or cultural views as well as personal or family values. Some are abstinent because they are simply not ready to have sex. It is important to think about what abstinence means to you, and then to live by that belief.

Handling Rejection When Dating

Rejection is one of our greatest fears and a fear that can do some of the greatest damage to us. When dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self confidence and want to crawl into our shells until we feel stronger again. We may do something outrageous instead, something on the rebound to exact some from of revenge. That can make us feel better. The fact is, being rejected hurts, whoever we are.

Most people like being loved and like being popular. It makes us feel good about ourselves. We sometimes meet grumpy people who say that they don't care what others think of them and whilst there maybe be one or two who do think that way, most of us hate being not liked. The way we handle rejection though is dependent on many self factors, our childhood, the way we were brought up, our earliest relationships etc.

Rejection comes in many forms, from a partner being unfaithful to a loved one moving out or calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone making no effort on your behalf on an important occasions to a partner who simply falls out of love. Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further. But whatever the scenario, of you are on the receiving end of rejection you need to spend some time keeping things in perspective by looking at the bigger picture and relating it to the many positive aspects of your life.

The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves for being rejected when the reality is its usually the other person's problem, not ours. But when we are rejected if we are nice people we can forgive and forget fairly easily and make excuses for the person rejecting us. If we do that we are not helping ourselves. If we are rejected the best thing we can do is to move on, in time.

Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want personal involvement with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected. Maybe its the way you look, your shape or height, your hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted , the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection. You ask yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Lots of "maybes". These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process but they are the things we should try and avoid.

The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us doing all the things we should. It stops us approaching the person we really like. Rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. The way to fix rejection is to balance with confidence building pastimes, activities and thoughts and good times. If you feel good about yourself then you know some truths about yourself too. You know if you are good at your job, if you are organized, well dressed, in shape etc. You don't need to worry about what other people think about you to feel happy about yourself which in turn means that if a date doesn't go well or someone simply doesn't like you then , well , we can't all please everyone can we. To be exact, the more confident you are, the better you will be able to cope with some forms of rejection.

It is beyond the scope of this brief article to suggest ways of dealing with the feelings of rejection that we feel from the failure of a marriage or long term relationship, from fidelity or major domestic drama. But what is true in most cases is that when we are rejected we will come back stronger than ever, over time. Rejection in many instances moves us into a time of reflection and thought, of new perspectives and inner learning. It is a useful process because it also allows us to learn about ourselves.

The thing that annoys me most of all about rejection when dating is the lack of honesty in people. When someone doesn't like you they should say so. When they don't intend to see you again then say so. If they are not going to call then they should admit it. There is nothing more refreshing on a single date that either party being honest and saying that they would prefer to leave it there. When we are lied to, the feeling of rejection is compounded.

Another interesting facet of rejection is that there are people out there who will reject before they themselves are rejected. Its a kind of defense mechanism. If they feel they are not doing too well, they will dump you, before you may possibly dump them. I know some people who have told me that they have never been rejected or dumped because they always do it first. So keep that in mind if someone rejects you.

I don't have all the quick answers to this complex topic but I will say that if you learn about yourself, get to know your weaknesses and find ways of keeping your perspective open, your realism levels in tact, your humor great and your confidence bubbling then rejection will wash over you from time to time easier than if you don't. Looking back on my life, if I were to imagine myself with most of the people who have rejected me, I couldn't. That is because they were never right for me in the first place.

Make your relationship with a woman advance from friendship into love

Do you feel that your relationship have been gradually progressing from friendship into love? In order to learn how to turn a friendship into a love I have compiled a list of skills you should learn to attract attention from women.

Women tend to overlook their male friend as romantic partner

How would you charm a girl who on the other side wants to be just friends. First, you need to encourage her that you really want her for yourself not just as a friend, rather as romantic partner.

The problem is women tend to overlook their male friends as romantic partners. Do you know how to date a friend?

Open lines of communication and recognize signs of encouragement

If the girl you are with is interested in you, she will exhibit certain signs of attraction and encouragement. You just need to recognize them and act upon it. However if you’re hesitating to invite her, another man could jump in as well.

For successful relationship it is essential to open lines of communication, and above all, trust your mate, but trust your feelings too. Every couple is different and each couple has different ideas and expectations.

Find out if women is available and interested in a romance with you

Women will let you know if they are available and you interest them. Use safe chatting as an instrument for getting date.

Talking with girls, and anyone else is on the other hand pleasurable task. You just go and do it. It is just what you have to learn. Women are attracted to men who know how to have fun.

Communicating attraction to women who can't read signals

Make a woman to be quicker to make up her mind about what type of relationship they want with you. As well, men expect women to be a little more forceful about communicating it to guys who can't read signals.

What kind of women are you asking out? If the women you ask out reject you consistently, simply start asking out women who are farther down the attractiveness scale.

Tips to communicating attraction signs to a woman

Bottom line: It is very important to feel good about yourself before seeking a relationship. Make a list of all your good qualities and anything good in your life.

Feeling good about yourself will also help you get dates. And if you don't end up finding that special person, at least you'll be happy being alone.

Potential Partners: What We Look For In Mates

Dating can be as tricky a business as can trying to find a date. When we begin dating, we often forget to consider what we are looking for in others we would like to meet. We set off with a definite view of the perfect dating partner. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos of profiles or personal ads online – we forget everything! Why is this? Because we are swayed by many factors, in other words, we are not as set in our ways as much as we like to think we are.

Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.

However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.

We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.

When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.

When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.

We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.

There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.

Direct Dating - Take Control of Your Personal Life

Direct dating is a recent concept, it is the idea that people are taking responsibility for their own romantic lives and being direct in their dating methods. For the Internet dating generation, the dating life of singles everywhere is certainly a lot different now than from two or three generations ago. Our dating life should be fun, enjoyable and part of all single lives. However the tone in recent years for singles has taken on a more serious note. It is not that people out there dating are more protective of themselves, we always have been. It is that the quest for the perfect partner has become far more serious. People are taking on direct dating methods and deciding exactly who they want in advance. Which probably explains the rise of Internet dating in particular.

As our lives have become more driven due to the pressures of daily life, due to career responsibilities and due financial burdens so our need to find someone compatible has taken a more deep rooted cause. In the past we may have been led to believe we should ‘make do’, we should ‘settle’ and that we should ‘be happy not to be left on the shelf’. These are old attitudes difficult to defend in today’s society.

In the last 40 years, modern advertising, communication and education has made us all more aware of who we are and where we are than ever before. It has created a self sustaining belief culture in ourselves, backed up by a huge multi million dollar self-help industry. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. However its effect has been one of allowing us perhaps to indulge in our fantasies more than ever before.

We are more career driven, we work longer hours and we are perhaps more tired than ever before. Many don’t take their full vacation allowance and watching TV has become an international past time. We don’t talk to people, we don’t allow ourselves to be as tolerant as we should be. In fact what we want in life appears to have become an exact science.

If we tie this in with our financial emancipation, it means that we now have a fit and healthy, self-confident, financially strong generation of liberated young people who know how to make qualified and deliberate choices for themselves. In turn this has overflowed into the modern dating scene. Dating life has become complex guys.

What is the result of this?

Well first of all it means that we have more singles and more divorced people. The reason for this can be attributed to a multitude of influences. But I believe the single biggest factor is the self-valuation we place upon ourselves. We are constantly reassured daily just how good we are. We are constantly told how fabulous we are and that we deserve the best. Us singles are winners, indeed we are. We are achievers, and to this end - just how much we deserve love. I agree. But the result is that almost every person we may encounter in our personal lives as a potential suitor becomes an interviewee. A person to be judged, a person to be analyzed, a person to be intercepted before there is any danger we ‘settle’, ‘make do’ and accept their interest in us as love.

The problem with this is that true love appears to be leaving us in droves. It appears to be a very scare commodity indeed in these enlightened days. We single people are all potential lovers in the modern dating scene. We are all open and available to that true love experience we crave. But an experience it is that we may perhaps miss out on. And that’s because we are not prepared to take a risk. We are not prepared to gamble. Dating is not a science, it is not a formula, its not in a book, its not even in this article. Its passion, its emotion, its felt in an instant and it is felt by living and interacting.

What differentiated us from our parents is that they may have taken that risk due to different circumstances to our own. Previous generations were not generally as wealthy, they did not have their own apartments so early and were not expected to stay single. So they took chances and made quick decisions. But they also felt alive and allowed their passion to breathe.

Today we find ourselves seated on a commuter train reading the latest self-help book on winning a guy, or how to make a date but the truth is that we should put the book down and smile at the person sitting opposite. We should join that club, make new friends, call up people we haven’t spoke to in ages. Stop worrying about the qualifications or bank balance of the person we recently were introduced to and look at their lips, imagine if they are a good kisser instead.

The rise in Internet dating is a key marker and indicator of just how many people are taking the initiative in finding a partner. People do not like being single in general and anyone who says we do is perpetuating a myth. Internet dating is allowing people greater choice than ever in selecting and finding the partner they desire and I feel they are right. Internet dating is not the only way to go, but it certainly is one very plausible choice.

In the end most of us will find love one way or the other, we will meet someone who makes us happy and vice versa. But our modern dating world is a tougher place to visit that’s for sure. We do need to be alert and we do need to have our own guidelines.

Do Bad Guys Always get the Girl?

If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy, Mr. Bad Boy, always gets the girl !! If we remember the bad guys at school and college with the best looking babes it appears that the movies could be right. The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys ? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls, we see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America's Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what is going wrong? You see men are confused. Men like to refer to stereo types and work from them. We are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy, but then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides and be a modern man holding the baby.

Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends mean, never calls, is rude and unhelpful and shows little respect appears to have a fan club developing. Life my friends is often unfair. Okay let us look at what is going on with this scenario.

Interest. Yes, interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and are a law unto themselves. They do what they want. They go where they will and they answer to no one. They are interesting. Tow the line, do as you are told and you are dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not. Generally.

Bad Guys are a challenge, we all love a challenge. Women love a challenge just like guys. If something is a challenge the end results must surely be worthwhile? Of course and bad guys are a challenge. The girls who go after a bad guy want to keep them to themselves and will do a great deal to keep hold. The more you want them, the greater there is a chance they may walk away. Women love to feel good about themselves and getting their bad guy, at least for a while, satisfies that urge. This appeals to some people and the greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort to keep them. There may be a lesson there.

Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they are about and don' really care what others think. They are their own men and don't need others to prop them up. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves but that doesn't make them any less attractive. Bad guys don't have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos. Somewhat out of shape if Mr. Soprano doesn't mind me saying, but immensely attractive all the same.

What have we got if we combine these facets. Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality. That equals sexy. Is it any wonder therefore that such types of guys often get the gals. It doesn't mean to say that we like them and it doesn't mean to say that this is fair or a good thing. But it can be natures way.

I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. No not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our social arsenal of dating weaponry. It is first the way you perceive yourself that matters. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life then this will boost your attractiveness. You don't need to go round being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.

The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics and analyze within yourself what is it that you think partners like and how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.

What Dating is All About

Dating someone is as hard as actually finding a date. To some finding a date is like a needle in a haystack; to others it is like a mountain flowing with honey. When a person is on the actual date, he tends to forget what the main point of the date is all about. People date to know more about one another and find out if they are right for each other. Thats how I view dating in my very idealistic world.

For some reasons such as sheer joy, beauty or awe of the person you are dating. The dater may tend to forget all about the characteristics or traits he or she looks for. The daters may just suddenly like the person for the simplest reason of being pretty or being able to make you feel good because she looks like a model. You must try to avoid falling into a relationship where only the surface matters.

You might be pretty vain if you do think youre happy with a relationship based on the surface only. Who wouldnt want a good looking person for a date or a relationship? However these things might fail in the long run because you havent based what you really want in the characteristics of the person. Lets just say that being beautiful is an advantage that makes a person stands out from the crowd. However it is really the characteristic and attitude of a person that should make you decide if the person is right for you.

Here is another common misconception about people. If you have the looks you are considered to be having some kind of attitude. This is because you wont need to rely having a great attitude to find yourself a date. While the people who look like the average Joes and Janes would need to have a great attitude. It may be true but not for all. We should never stereotype because by doing so, will also limit a persons chance of finding a date.

Here are the usual things or characteristics that are important to some people.

Humor is a great thing to look for in a person. Being with a humorous person helps ease the tension of the date a bit. It also makes the date more fun and enjoyable.

The eyes are the windows of the soul. Eye contact would be a great way to learn more about the emotions the other person is conveying. A person can also see the truth, honesty and understanding of a person through the eyes.

We should also look for a partner that is very understanding. It would be pretty irritating to find a judging partner. The partner should learn to accept the mistakes of the other in some cases and support him or her. This could be commonly displayed among the simplest of things. Such as where to dine, what to do or even having a great conversation.

The important thing to look for is the honesty and truth of a person. A relationship will not last very long when it is based on hidden agendas and lies. One partner may feel very jealous or have doubts about the relationship. So honesty is very important and is a hard one to develop.

It is a common misconception that people look for people like them. This might be true for some, but the more general truth is that we all just want a person that can be able to understand our own personality.

By Graham Billingham
DrDating.com

Dating: A Guy's Bare Essentials For Successful Dating

When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff it is always worth reminding ourselves as guys as to how to get the foundations right.

Bathe

This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!

Arrive on Time

The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!

Be a Gentleman

Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.

Compliment Her

The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.

Listen to Her and Ask Questions

Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.

I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.

Prepare

The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.

Who Will Pay?

This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.

The Goodnight Kiss

Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.

I'll Call You

Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know

Quick Dating Tips: How to Ask Someone Out on a Date

If you like some one you may have to ask them for a date. For men this is standard practise and for women, this process is becoming increasingly common. If you are thinking of asking someone on a date consider the following quick dating tips:

1. Why are you asking them out, is it for the right reasons and what do you expect as a result of them saying yes or no?

2. Be prepared that the person you ask may say no and in which case do not take the rejection personally.

3. When asking someone out choose your moment carefully and practise what you might say in advance so that you don't appear tongue-tied.

4. If the person you ask says yes, ensure you already have thought of a place, date and time for the date so that you display signs of thoughfulness.

5. Be prepared for the person asking why you want to date them so that you are able to flatter and create a sense of trust immediately. People can be wary and they may want to know some reasosn behind your request. Better, anticipate this by saying "would you like to come to dinner, I have always thought you are great fun..".

6. Make sure that your request for a date does not pressurize the person in any way. If they want to think about it, let them. But don't chase.

7. Make sure that when you ask someone on a date you smile and keep things fun and happy. Being confident and smiley will elicit a far more positive response.

8. Always have an alternative date and time or location in mind should the person be unsure of their diary. Giving a person a choice is often a marketing masterstroke.

9. If the person says no, don't chase for a reason, simply move on. They may think about things and get back to you with a yes response later.

10. If you ask someone on a date, make sure that you actually intend to go through with it. Standing people up is not allowed.

11. If you are being asked out don't play games. If you need time to consider the offer then say so. If you want to say no, say no. But do not keep someone hanging on for no reason. You wouldn't like the situation if it was reversed.

12. Try to avoid dutch-courage such as using alcohol to boost your courage levels as this will often backfire.

13. Don't ask someone out when they are in a group of friends. Timing is everything.

Confidence in Dating: Why You Should Become More Confident

I once read the results of a survey in a leading woman's magazine that said the number 1 most attractive quality in a man was confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. It took some time to sink in as to what this really meant. Did it mean grabbing the girl in matinee idol pose and whisking her backwards whilst I kissed those luscious lips of hers? Did it mean turning into a caveman never taking no for an answer? Did it mean turning up at the door of the girl next door and whisking her off to Paris for the weekend, though we had hardly spoken? What did they mean by confidence? The quest was on it find out.

Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn't all things to all men. Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder. Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully. The point is not confidence itself, but its easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear in men is not attractive. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination. This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face.

Okay, back to confidence. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend. Another told me, "ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees". So I pressed them further. A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do,, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, his day. And to many women that is very attractive.

After all, a woman is looking for a partner, one who will not only match with her mentally and physically, but someone who can drive her onwards, someone who has ambition and vitality, someone who can pass hi self assuredness on to her. A man who is confident is sexy because he is comfortable with himself, he is in control and he is able to make decisions, good decisions. He is confident in the choices he makes and in choosing you (maybe really you selected him), he passes this feeling of being special on to you. Being selected by the right man can be very sexy indeed.

If you are going to date the beauty in the corner and father her children then running away is not a good start, neither is feeling bad about yourself and failing to be able to hold a decent conversation. Far too many men decide in advance of an approach if they are worth of a woman's attentions or not. All too often they believe they are not. Except where alcohol is involved. Men in bars exude confidence, but they also exude beer breath as well! No the fact is that guys who lack confidence prejudge most situations and inevitably take themselves out of the dating fray before it ever happens, hoping, strangely, that the woman will make the first move.

The fact is, the confident men more often than not get the girl, because the confident man has something about him. I know plenty of good looking handsome men who are afraid to approach women so its not necessarily about looks. No, its about something within. Confidence is about self respect and self understanding. It comes from understanding what you yourself are about and when this happens a sexy man reaches out. Often lack of confidence in men is because of physique and yet it is an issue so easy to fix. 12 weeks in a gym will change a man's life. A fit man is a confident man. Dress is also something that instills confidence. No man has an excuse for not dressing reasonably smart these days as fashion for men is everywhere.

Ultimately we all lose confidence from time to time. People can take our confidence away at work or at home, in partnerships and on our own. Ultimately though these are passing phases. If a man can do one thing for himself in the dating game, that is to learn about his own confidence levels in an honest way and then go about doing something to increase them. Feel good about yourself guys and someone will feel good about you.

The Art of Kissing

A simple kiss can actually have different meaning. It could be friendly, romantic, affectionate, or passionate. What's important is that every time you kiss, you have to make sure that it is satisfying on both parties.

But before you pucker up your lips and start learning about the art of kissing, it is best that you learn some basic guidelines as your first base.Kissing more than just touching lips – Kissing doesn't not only entail the touching of each other's lips. This experience actually involves touch, taste, and even smell. The touching of lips stimulates you and your partner's nerve endings, sending sensations throughout the body, not to mention couple's tendency to caress each other. A great kiss should also be void of bad breath and other distracting taste that you may sense. So before kissing, make sure that you popped a breath mint and offer it to your partner as well.

Practice first – You don't just go into something that you have absolutely no idea about. Before going on a date, it is best to practice how you should kiss to avoid embarrassment on your part. You could start with practicing with an inaminate object, kissing your hand, playing with a lollipop or eating ice cream on a cone. Also, consider watching romantic movies and see how couples kiss.

Expect a kiss, so be prepared beforehand – When you are on a date, or when your partner is about to approach you, expect some lip locking to ensue. Before that happens, make sure that your teeth are brushed, your mouth is clean, and your lips are moisturize. However, don't be too obvious about popping a mint or applying lip gloss as your date goes for a kiss. A little “bite and lick” on the lips would do just fine.

Look before kissing – A passionate kiss begins with an intimate stare into your partner's eyes. Gaze for a few seconds before closing your eyes. Then, lean forward and let your instincts take over.

Remember to pause – Once you have landed a soft kiss on the lips of your date, hold back a little. Relish the sensation it makes in your body, think about how it makes you feel good. Look into the eyes of your date for a few seconds, then close your eyes once again as you lean forward for a longer, more passionate kiss.

Keep your lips slightly parted as you kiss – Kissing with your mouth closed is not cool. It makes your lips stiff and it certainly looks “one-way,” even rude. Also, make sure that your lips are soft, moist, and warm as you kiss.

Keep your body in flow – Doesn't it fell awkward when you and your date bump heads while kissing? When kissing, open up your body by putting your hands on your partner's back, hips or shoulders. Also make sure to keep the distance close, and tilt your head as you go for a more intimate kiss.

A perfect kiss is firm, but tender – To make this trick work, imagine yourself softly eating a mango as you kiss your date. Approach the kiss with a little force from your mouth. Pout your lips as you close them, then open them again as you continue kissing.

Kiss with genuine intimacy – A kiss is something that you cannot fake. You may say that you are attracted to your partner, but the kiss says otherwise.

How to flirt

Flirting Tips Help You Show Interest

You are at a party and out of nowhere someone is standing close to you. Like a genie, they keep turning up, close by, catching your gaze. You go and chat and they stand in the same position as you, playing with their hair, laughing with you and holding your gaze. This person likes you and is flirting. How do you know? Because without realizing it, you are an expert in flirting and body language.

What would dating be without flirting. Flirting is fabulous, flirting is fun, flirting is giving out signals that we may be interested in someone, or we may be pretending. But within reason, flirting is part and parcel of our daily lives. Flirting can be harmful when it threatens fidelity but it can also be sexy and bring people closer together. Some people are good at flirting and some people hopeless.Are you a flirt? If you are you know it and are secretly proud of the fact. It is sexy when you flirt and people like it. Flirting means giving people attention, it means, smiling, touching, whispering. In the right circumstances it is a powerful tool especially against the unwary. In the wrong circumstances it will get you fired. There is a gulf between flirting and unwanted sexual advances so beware.

It is useful to look at some of the key indicators of flirting and they can prove extremely useful when working out if the person across the table from you is interested. The one to keep your eye on the most is "mirroring". Mirroring is when someone copies your body movements whilst retaining eye contact. Its is one of the biggest giveaways there is.

Eye Contact

* Pupils are dilated and eye contact is maintained
* Eye contact combined with an arched eye brow
* Any form of winking
* Rapid eye movement and blinking
* Eye contact where the gaze is held longer than usual. Men normally look away.

Hair and Mouth

* Playing with hair in a stroking or toying motion
* Eye contact whilst playing with hair
* Touching your hair at any time
* Lots of smiling, open mouthed and teeth flashing
* Lip licking
* Puckering lips in a simulated kiss form
* Any form of touch of the lips or teeth with tongue


Body Movement

* The thrusting of chest or breasts outwards whilst holding your gaze
* The copying of your posture - mirroring
* Holding your gaze whilst moving to music
* Using a posture with legs crossed towards you
* Leaning in towards you whilst holding your gaze
* Open legged posture facing you
* The display of flesh of arm or thigh

Touching

* They will want to touch you and will reach out to do so with some excuse
* They will offer to place food in your mouth as if feeding you
* They will play with their hands and then with yours


The Way they Speak

* Their tone and speed of conversation mirrors your own
* Lots of laughter and questioning tones
* In a group, you are singled out by this person for attention even in general conversation and questions.

The main thing to remember with flirting is that it is fun and so much more so when you are receptive to it and understand when it is happening to you. The best flirtatious moments will always take you by surprise.

How to say I Love You in 100 Languages

English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumem
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bengali - Ami tomake bhalobashi (pronounced: Amee toe-ma-kee bhalo-bashee)
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cherokee - Tsi ge yu i
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Elvish - Amin mela lle (from The Lord of The Rings, by J.R.R. Tolkien)
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Frisian - Ik h�ld fan dy
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha Au Ia`oe
Hebrew (Thanks Lilach)
Hebrew to male: "ani ohev otcha" (said by male) "Ohevet ot'cha" (said by female)
Hebrew to female: "ani ohev otach" (said by male) "ohevet Otach" (said by female) Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
or
anata ga daisuki desu
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
or
Nanun tangshinul sarang hamnida
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Luxembourgeois - Ech hun dech g�er
Macedonian - Te Sakam
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Maltese - Inhobbok
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te iubesc
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gra\dh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Surinam - Mi lobi joe
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Thai (informal) Rak te (thx CAF!)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu di
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Get Into Speed Dating

There is a new way of dating, and you could get to know a lot of different singles in the process. It's called Speed Dating, a new mating sport that is being played in bars, clubs, and community centers in North America and Europe.

If you get invited to join a speed dating event and you don't have an idea what it is all about, then you have come to the right place.

Dating and playing at the same time
Speed Dating can be described as a cross between a job interview, a blind date, and a game of musical chairs. Participants get four to eight minutes, depending on where you are playing the game, to meet scores of different potential partners. With speed dating, you can meet as many as 25 people or even more.

A hybrid of online and offline dating
You get to meet a number of strangers within the safety of a friendly and merry environment that is policed by the organizers. At the end of the night you can ask a partner for a date, but a date only takes place if the other party is in agreement.

Does not put you into embarrassment when rejected
In most speed dating games, most communication is written or concealed from the potential dates. A big plus is that it spares singles the face-to-face embarrassment of turning someone down.

Ideal for busy people
Speed dating probably best suits busy careerists who would benefit from meeting as many people as they can within a short period of time. This includes busy individuals such as lawyers or performers who have had no time for pursuing romance simply because they have spent a decade or so focusing on education and then launching a business. Speed dating also suits health professionals and individuals who work off-hours, such as waitresses, shift-workers, and health professionals. Speed dating is ideal for those who always find themselves working the traditional date nights such as Friday and Saturday night.

Ideal for those who look for serious relationships
It is understood that these functions are for individuals who are looking for a long-term connection. If you are sick of the immaturity or addictions that come hand-in-hand with people you meet in bars and clubs then this might be a more efficient way to meet someone who is not intent on wasting your time with their emotional problems.

What you see is what you get
This also will appeal to those who have become frustrated with the anonymity and long-distance aspects of online dating. There is no false advertising such as lying about one's age or weight allowed.

Lets you see if the two of you click
The problem with blind dates and personals is that they do not satisfy a very crucial requirement needed in order for two people to hit it off and see each other again: physical attraction and chemistry. Speed dating allows you to meet in person and see if the two of you create an instant attraction towards each other. You are not required to waste time that you would meeting someone on a blind date.

How To Use Body Language To Your Advantage When Dating

This is the language where you don't need any words. Women have been doing it for hundreds of years - to attract the man they want. Becoming fluent in body language will ensure that you will be skilled in attracting the right man, and sending the get-lost signal to the wrong man.

Eyeing Up the Prize

The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you - a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.

If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don`t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest.


First Impressions Count

You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn't give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren't dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.

The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)

Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you're open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the "accidental touch" when reaching for the salt.

Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.

Stand Out

Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you're conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.

As for ways to send a man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.

A Few Extra Tips

Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it's time to get down and dirty, or when you're best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:

You'll know things are going really well when you begin "mirroring" one another's body language and gestures.

Don`t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.

Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.

If you try your hand at it, and he's not responding, abort the mission immediately.…

Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.

And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, "Looking for Love."

Potential Partners: What We Look For In Mates

Dating can be as tricky a business as can trying to find a date. When we begin dating, we often forget to consider what we are looking for in others we would like to meet. We set off with a definite view of the perfect dating partner. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos of profiles or personal ads online – we forget everything! Why is this? Because we are swayed by many factors, in other words, we are not as set in our ways as much as we like to think we are.

Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.

However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.

We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.

When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.

When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.

We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.

There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.

Overcome Silence & Idle Talk

Looks aren't everything - you might attract women if you learn correct attitude
Have you ever been upset in favor of tiny chance for being picked up by girls due to your average looks? Most average looking Guys does, obsessing it was their main obstacle for success with women. But have in mind that looks aren't everything. You need to learn how to emphasize your positive personality side and mental strength so you compensate average exterior.

Do you think you are not what girls usually look for in a guy? You could be a bit overweight, introspective, quite shy, and not exactly the social champion. But what's dreadful about that?

Show your interest for woman by putting your feelings evident for her
Woman will get really frustrated with you if you act too shy and probably will conclude you might not be interested in her company. She has no clue whether you’re being shy, or you’re not interested. You have to put your feelings on the line much the same as the other person.

Girls would quickly lose interest when a guy expects her to call, plan and do everything, because she probably initiated the conversation and waits for your action. She would be even more disappointed when they find out months later you really liked her, but just did not say it.

Think Up Conversation Topics
Blueprint for chasing an honest single girl that makes right couple for you Even though two people who chase after a compatible single partner would make a compatible couple, they rarely cross paths.

Picking Up A Woman From A Group

There are techniques to picking up women from groups
Almost every time you turn to the Discovery Channel, you see some poor creature that has wandered away from the pack and become vulnerable to a fierce, lurking predator. Before the creature realizes that she is in any danger, it’s too late; the predator has attacked and the pack will forever have one less member.

While the dating world is not quite like the jungle, there are some similarities, such as the social behavior of the female of the species. Just like many of nature’s creatures, women often travel in packs -- as we first noticed in junior high.

Men have also maintained a kinship with the wild kingdom: Like the predator, they are ultimately looking to satisfy a carnal instinct. So find your predatory impulse and read on to learn how to break a woman away from her pack. There are two tactical approaches: solo or with a wingman.

The Solo Mission
Make no mistake about it: Extracting a woman from her pack can be extremely difficult, especially if you’re going in alone. Her girlfriends have her back and they will cockblock you for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, even the most insecure or protective cockblocker friend will give you some respect for having the courage to enter unchartered waters on your own. If you’re on a solo mission, remember that it’s all about the approach. Let your target know that she is the one that you are interested in. The best way to do this is by deploying some subtle hints.

Maintain consistent eye contact
A big group of girls with a man in the middle can break into an all-out attention festival. In your mind, it is painfully obvious who you are interested in, but the entire group might not have a clue. To clear the confusion, consistently shoot glances and exchange smiles with the girl of your dreams. This will let her know that you have your eyes on the prize.

Break the touch barrier
Break the touch barrier with some intimate contact, such as by gently touching her shoulder when you lean in to tell her a funny anecdote. If you are at a club or other loud venue, place your hand on her lower back and draw her closer to you so you can hear her better -- use this technique even if you can hear her. Gauge her reaction when you break the touch barrier; stop if she is uncomfortable and try again later. If it is still early in the game, you may want to find a new target.

First Impressions: Look Good When Dating

In you stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo's or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.

Now I am not saying that we need to spend a King's ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.

Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn't wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don't choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.

Okay so whilst my female readership doesn't need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can't dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.

But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don't mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!

Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn't need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn't happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.

Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.

Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.

You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.

I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.

Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.

Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.

Coming up with a Creative Date

Here are some creative ideas to get your dates started and spice your relationship as well:

A night under the stars
Try taking your date to a planetarium and view the constellations from a telescope or watch the starts whirl beneath the dome? Or you could take your date to somewhere private, like your garden or a beach, then lay out a blanket and candles, and enjoy an evening together watching the stars in a real sky.

Amusement park
Bring out the child within your partner by treating him or her to cotton candy, rides on the Ferris wheel, and fun shooting games.

Mini-golf
Playing a “mutation” of the gentleman's game is silly, fun, and exciting at the same time exciting. The relaxed pace of the game encourages conversation and lots of laughing.

Comedy club
Liven things up with an evening of stand-up comedy at a local club. This is a great suggestion for a first date as you can tell a lot about a person by what material amuses him or her and what material seems corny or offensive. Take note, if you don't want to be picked on by the comedian, try sitting a few rows away from the front.

Zoos and aquariums
Animals appeal to people's sense of romance, as well as a sense of humor. This is also a good suggestion for a first date as observing the antics of animals has a way of breaking the ice.

Skating at a local rink
Follow this up with some hot chocolate and fun conversation in a cozy café.

Zen Dating
Relax with your date by taking him or her to a meditation or light-working session at the local Buddhist temple. Relax afterwards with a good meal in an Indian restaurant.

Psychic sessions
Visit your local psychic together to have your palms and tarot cards read. You can even get a past-life reading to see if you have known each other in a past incarnation.

Art tour
Spend a day together visiting local art galleries and museums. Make sure you visit the gift shop of the museum to buy your date a token that expresses your appreciation for him or her.

Mazes and labyrinths
If your city has a maze, see if you and your date can get lost together inside it. Walking a labyrinth together is not only said to be good for the soul, but it will help you define your goals together.

Cooking class
Sign the both of you for a cooking class and have fun feeding each other's delicious tidbits.

Feng Shui date
Visit your local Chinatown and hunt for lucky charms, wind chimes, and small statues to bring the two of you good health, wealth, and happiness. Finish you shopping excursion with a meal for two at a Chinese restaurant.

Dancing lessons
Enroll the two of you in dancing lessons and try intimate ballroom dances like tango and rhumba. This is especially nice for seniors on a first date who wish to break the ice.

Play in the snow
If it is snowy outside, take advantage of the weather and build an ice sculpture or snowman together. You can also ride on a toboggan together and slide downhill—holding each other, of course. Finish the day with steamy hot chocolate or apple cider in front of the fireplace.

Love letters
Buy special paper and pens. Make a date by writing love letters in front of each other. Once done, exchange the letters and read them out loud. Torrid romance almost always ensues right after this one.

King or queen for a day
Assign a date where you will treat your lover as a king or a queen for that day. Your date will not have to lift a finger while you meet every demand and errand he or she commands. This package should include a foot rub as well as serving your date's favorite foods.

Sunrise date
Surprise your date by calling him or her early in the morning and asking if he or she want to meet to watch the sunrise with you. Drive to a beach or some other beautiful location and simply watch the sun rise to the horizon. Afterwards, share a brunch at a restaurant.

Tell Your Child You Met Someone

By Peter Ehrlich - Web Site: SingleParentLoveLife.com

Telling your child that you've met someone
I can recall the moment in crystalline clarity: I was pushing my single-parent grocery cart at my local supermarket and I was heading to the single-parent broccoli section. And I remember mumbling these exact words: "I'll never kiss another woman again. I'll never make love to a woman ever again." I might as well have been George Costanza telling Jerry that I could not foresee any situation where I'd ever be with a woman again.

For years, like many of you, I was merely the great single-dad provider for my child with no love life whatsoever. And so, my daily habits were just that -- habits. I only had to focus on my work and provide a quality life for my son, and at the end of the day ,I crawled into my bed for an animated chat with my pillow. That's it, nothing complicated.

But that situation changed for me in a heartbeat when I met someone online. And if my love life can change in a nanosecond, yours can, too.

Now, you might not meet someone online, but you may suddenly crash into the shopping cart of a beautiful woman who isn’t bothered at all by the impact -- despite interrupting her as she sniffs the back end of a cantaloupe. (By the way, her melon-shopping habits are a good sign in relation to her bedside inclinations.)

Or, perhaps after 106 coffee dates, you finally find someone whom you can envision saying “I love you” to, a statement that may be difficult to fathom in your moment of singledom.

All swords are double-edged. And if we do suddenly meet someone new and the relationship seems to have some glue, as responsible single dads, we know we have to be prepared to talk about our new situation with the most important person in our life -- our child.

Meeting someone when you’re a single parent is tough, but it might prove to be a cakewalk compared to telling your child that you have met someone. Along with your child’s fear of being replaced, you’ll also have to contend with his/her fear of potentially having an evil stepmother. Such fears are, from an adult’s perspective, unfounded, but to your kid, they are completely legitimate and need to be addressed. So, how do you tell your child that you’ve met someone? Here are some suggestions, along with some dos and don’ts, to help you on your way.


tell your child about your new “friend”

Be candid with your child
If it’s a nice, feel-good story, don’t be afraid to tell your child how you actually met your lady friend. When you paint a nice romantic picture, you are, in some way, teaching your child that romance is important and something to be treasured. Reciting your story may also cause your child to appreciate your honesty, which is a language that all children speak.

Inquire about your child’s feelings
Ask your child how he/she feels about the fact you’ve met a new “friend.” Chances are they will be happy for you. A well-loved child is an empathetic child. Our children want us be happy and they know better than anyone (hopefully) that being hugged and kissed is something everyone needs -- even dad.

Reassure your child
Remind your child that he/she is, and will always be, the most important person in your life. No one and nothing will ever change that fact.

Prepare your child to meet your new love interest...

Propose a potential meeting
Honor your child and show him that you believe that he has the maturity to handle the situation. Make flexible (i.e., no promises) future plans and suggest that “when the time is right, perhaps we can arrange a get-together.” Whatever you do, don’t rush the situation. It’s better to take your time and play it safe. You don’t want to get your child emotionally involved with a good woman only to see the relationship dissolve and watch your child’s heart break when you split up.

Prepare your child for the introduction
If you do plan to introduce your child to someone, reveal what you like about your new friend beforehand. For example, you could show that your new interest has a sense of humor and likes to have fun with a conversation that might go like this: “You know what Alison said to me today? She said something really funny. She said that I walk like a monkey.” Doing so prepares your child and it makes it emotionally easier for the time when they do meet her. They will meet her with a sense of established trust, and children understand the language of laughter.

Maintain family traditions
Don’t start canceling family traditions because you’ve met someone. These traditions are very important to a child, and they are what have the most positive impact in their lives. Not only do children remember these traditions for the rest of their lives, but they are likely to pass on to their children the very same tradition-torch that you or your parents invented. Don’t screw with family traditions, though you can include a new participant.

Ask for permission
If you have teenage children, ask for their permission if you want a “sleepover” at your new friend’s house. Assure them that if you are away from the house, you will have your cell phone with you, and that it will always be turned on should they need to contact you.

the key to a child’s happiness
Clear and consistent communication is so important for our children. To feel safe, loved and appreciated, they need to know that no one is going to come into your life and take you away from them. Give them that respect, and they’ll always be happy that daddy found love again. Isn’t that what you want?

Peter Ehrlich is a marketing and communications guy who works in Toronto, Canada. He is a proud single dad to Noah. Aware that dating as a single parent is completely different than just dating as a single man, he created a provocative and popular online dating site called SingleParentLoveLife.com. Peter has been interviewed extensively on television, radio and in print for his take on the paradigm of the fastest-growing family type worldwide: the hip, sexy and nurturing single parent. If you’d like to talk to Peter about working together or just want to say something, he invites you to write him at pehrlich@sympatico.ca.