People can have sexual urges and feelings while keeping their abstinence. We make choices about our behaviors to be abstinent or sexually active, and can still acknowledge, experience, and enjoy their sexuality. Remember that sexual thoughts, feelings, emotions, and desires are natural and a healthy part of sexual development.
Abstinence is viewed either as not having any type of sexual experience; or not having oral, vaginal, or vaginal sex; or not allowing penetration but accepting oral sex.
If you acknowledge these feeling but choose not to have any kind of sexual contact, you can redirect this sexual energy into other activities with or without a partner such as:
· dancing or exercising
· shopping or even window shopping
· reading a book
· watching a movie
· meditating
· taking a shower
· being with friends
· having a picnic in the park
· strolling on the beach
· playing video games
· giving or receiving hugs
· holding hands with someone you care about
· cooking dinner
· dining by candlelight
Aside from these, those who decide on getting physically intimate with a partner without having oral, anal, or vaginal sex can do the following:
· giving or receiving soft , sensuous, or deep passionate kisses
· enjoying a back rub or full body massage
· cuddling, caressing, or stroking each other with or without clothes on
· slowly and sensuously undressing one another
· touching one's self in front of a partner, with or without touching him or her, with or without orgasm
· skinny dipping in a pool or pond
· taking a shower or bathing together
There are many reasons for a person to become abstinent, including religious or cultural views as well as personal or family values. Some are abstinent because they are simply not ready to have sex. It is important to think about what abstinence means to you, and then to live by that belief.
10/12/2007
Handling Rejection When Dating
Rejection is one of our greatest fears and a fear that can do some of the greatest damage to us. When dealing with dating matters, rejection is a subject never very far away. Being rejected by someone makes us feel small, worthless, insecure and unwanted. We lose our self confidence and want to crawl into our shells until we feel stronger again. We may do something outrageous instead, something on the rebound to exact some from of revenge. That can make us feel better. The fact is, being rejected hurts, whoever we are.Most people like being loved and like being popular. It makes us feel good about ourselves. We sometimes meet grumpy people who say that they don't care what others think of them and whilst there maybe be one or two who do think that way, most of us hate being not liked. The way we handle rejection though is dependent on many self factors, our childhood, the way we were brought up, our earliest relationships etc.
Rejection comes in many forms, from a partner being unfaithful to a loved one moving out or calling off a relationship for good. Rejection may come in the smallest of ways, from someone making no effort on your behalf on an important occasions to a partner who simply falls out of love. Rejection can be a date who doesn't show up or a date who says that they don't want to take things further. But whatever the scenario, of you are on the receiving end of rejection you need to spend some time keeping things in perspective by looking at the bigger picture and relating it to the many positive aspects of your life.
The way we handle rejection is important in helping us keep our self esteem and dignity. When we are rejected we often want to go crazy and blame ourselves for being rejected when the reality is its usually the other person's problem, not ours. But when we are rejected if we are nice people we can forgive and forget fairly easily and make excuses for the person rejecting us. If we do that we are not helping ourselves. If we are rejected the best thing we can do is to move on, in time.
Being rejected hurts. The person you entrusted with hopes, desires and feelings has turned round and said that they don't want personal involvement with you. When this happens you immediately move into blame mode. It must be, in some way or another, your fault for being rejected. Maybe its the way you look, your shape or height, your hair or lack of it. Maybe the way you acted , the things you said or the things you did that caused the rejection. You ask yourself is there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Lots of "maybes". These are all natural questions we ask ourselves in the rejection process but they are the things we should try and avoid.
The fear of rejection is a debilitating issue. It stops us doing all the things we should. It stops us approaching the person we really like. Rejection is the curse, confidence is the cure. The way to fix rejection is to balance with confidence building pastimes, activities and thoughts and good times. If you feel good about yourself then you know some truths about yourself too. You know if you are good at your job, if you are organized, well dressed, in shape etc. You don't need to worry about what other people think about you to feel happy about yourself which in turn means that if a date doesn't go well or someone simply doesn't like you then , well , we can't all please everyone can we. To be exact, the more confident you are, the better you will be able to cope with some forms of rejection.
It is beyond the scope of this brief article to suggest ways of dealing with the feelings of rejection that we feel from the failure of a marriage or long term relationship, from fidelity or major domestic drama. But what is true in most cases is that when we are rejected we will come back stronger than ever, over time. Rejection in many instances moves us into a time of reflection and thought, of new perspectives and inner learning. It is a useful process because it also allows us to learn about ourselves.
The thing that annoys me most of all about rejection when dating is the lack of honesty in people. When someone doesn't like you they should say so. When they don't intend to see you again then say so. If they are not going to call then they should admit it. There is nothing more refreshing on a single date that either party being honest and saying that they would prefer to leave it there. When we are lied to, the feeling of rejection is compounded.
Another interesting facet of rejection is that there are people out there who will reject before they themselves are rejected. Its a kind of defense mechanism. If they feel they are not doing too well, they will dump you, before you may possibly dump them. I know some people who have told me that they have never been rejected or dumped because they always do it first. So keep that in mind if someone rejects you.
I don't have all the quick answers to this complex topic but I will say that if you learn about yourself, get to know your weaknesses and find ways of keeping your perspective open, your realism levels in tact, your humor great and your confidence bubbling then rejection will wash over you from time to time easier than if you don't. Looking back on my life, if I were to imagine myself with most of the people who have rejected me, I couldn't. That is because they were never right for me in the first place.
10/10/2007
Make your relationship with a woman advance from friendship into love
Do you feel that your relationship have been gradually progressing from friendship into love? In order to learn how to turn a friendship into a love I have compiled a list of skills you should learn to attract attention from women.
Women tend to overlook their male friend as romantic partner
How would you charm a girl who on the other side wants to be just friends. First, you need to encourage her that you really want her for yourself not just as a friend, rather as romantic partner.
The problem is women tend to overlook their male friends as romantic partners. Do you know how to date a friend?
Open lines of communication and recognize signs of encouragement
If the girl you are with is interested in you, she will exhibit certain signs of attraction and encouragement. You just need to recognize them and act upon it. However if you’re hesitating to invite her, another man could jump in as well.
For successful relationship it is essential to open lines of communication, and above all, trust your mate, but trust your feelings too. Every couple is different and each couple has different ideas and expectations.
Find out if women is available and interested in a romance with you
Women will let you know if they are available and you interest them. Use safe chatting as an instrument for getting date.
Talking with girls, and anyone else is on the other hand pleasurable task. You just go and do it. It is just what you have to learn. Women are attracted to men who know how to have fun.
Communicating attraction to women who can't read signals
Make a woman to be quicker to make up her mind about what type of relationship they want with you. As well, men expect women to be a little more forceful about communicating it to guys who can't read signals.
What kind of women are you asking out? If the women you ask out reject you consistently, simply start asking out women who are farther down the attractiveness scale.
Tips to communicating attraction signs to a woman
Bottom line: It is very important to feel good about yourself before seeking a relationship. Make a list of all your good qualities and anything good in your life.
Feeling good about yourself will also help you get dates. And if you don't end up finding that special person, at least you'll be happy being alone.
Women tend to overlook their male friend as romantic partner
How would you charm a girl who on the other side wants to be just friends. First, you need to encourage her that you really want her for yourself not just as a friend, rather as romantic partner.
The problem is women tend to overlook their male friends as romantic partners. Do you know how to date a friend?
Open lines of communication and recognize signs of encouragement
If the girl you are with is interested in you, she will exhibit certain signs of attraction and encouragement. You just need to recognize them and act upon it. However if you’re hesitating to invite her, another man could jump in as well.
For successful relationship it is essential to open lines of communication, and above all, trust your mate, but trust your feelings too. Every couple is different and each couple has different ideas and expectations.
Find out if women is available and interested in a romance with you
Women will let you know if they are available and you interest them. Use safe chatting as an instrument for getting date.
Talking with girls, and anyone else is on the other hand pleasurable task. You just go and do it. It is just what you have to learn. Women are attracted to men who know how to have fun.
Communicating attraction to women who can't read signals
Make a woman to be quicker to make up her mind about what type of relationship they want with you. As well, men expect women to be a little more forceful about communicating it to guys who can't read signals.
What kind of women are you asking out? If the women you ask out reject you consistently, simply start asking out women who are farther down the attractiveness scale.
Tips to communicating attraction signs to a woman
Bottom line: It is very important to feel good about yourself before seeking a relationship. Make a list of all your good qualities and anything good in your life.
Feeling good about yourself will also help you get dates. And if you don't end up finding that special person, at least you'll be happy being alone.
10/09/2007
Potential Partners: What We Look For In Mates
Dating can be as tricky a business as can trying to find a date. When we begin dating, we often forget to consider what we are looking for in others we would like to meet. We set off with a definite view of the perfect dating partner. The moment we are introduced to someone, or view some photos of profiles or personal ads online – we forget everything! Why is this? Because we are swayed by many factors, in other words, we are not as set in our ways as much as we like to think we are.
Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.
However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.
We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.
When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.
When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.
We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.
There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.
Beauty, of course, often holds sway. However much we like to say we are not, there are few of us who wouldn’t date someone attractive. It is in our blood and we would usually say yes to an attractive person. Beauty tends to rub off on those around it, so if we associate ourselves with what we consider are good looks we immediately feel good about ourselves also. Most of us are not models and therefore we tend not to meet those who are but we notice it in the things around us. If you can appreciate something beautiful, then you can also appreciate someone beautiful. To ignore it is a lie.
However, if we simply lived and dated by beauty alone we would be too shallow to succeed in any real sense. We would have 2 dimensional personalities and be uninteresting in any meaningful way. It is often leveled as a criticism in attractive people that they don’t have very strong personalities because they have traded on their looks for too long. Conversely, a conventionally unattractive person can often have a strong and interesting personality to make up for the lack of attractiveness in a physical sense. So it’s clear that as an isolating factor beauty (or more specifically, physical attraction) is to some extent important but it is not the only important thing when dating others.
We look for humor in a person because we want them to feel good by being with us and we want them to feel good about themselves in their decisions. We also want ourselves to feel good and to relax and have fun and a great time. Therefore when we date someone, humor is a must if we are going to ever reach a level of relaxation in the company of that person. Laughter and humor is about creating a mental connection and understanding about the world around us. It is a demonstration of a commonly accepted set of beliefs between us and it allows a demonstration of a level of understanding quickly not known in almost any other form.
When dating others, we look for eye contact upon meeting because it is the most direct sense of understanding and truth and honesty. We almost always look at each other’s eyes first when we meet as this is where we first find attraction. It is beyond me here to explain why that may be but I do like the expression that our eyes are the gateway to the soul. I tend to agree. The smallest change in the glint of our eye conveys so many emotions and it is thus that we first begin our instant relationship.
When dating others we look for common understanding and acceptance. We do not seek partners as judges but as part of our own emotional support system. We like to admire and to be admired, however subtly. In another parlance, we would say that we appreciate and like being appreciated. Either way, we enjoy the company of another because we make each other feel good about themselves. It’s an unspoken understanding. Where relationships begin to crack later is where the understanding and support is replaced by criticism due to internal frustrations of lack of support. Initially when we date, this understanding and acceptance is displayed through many different methods from conversation and laughter in agreement on a topic, to agreement in places to visit on dates and food to eat, drinks to consume, movies to go see etc. It’s all part of agreeing based on a common understanding, finding the common ground between us.
We look for honesty and truth when dating. It can be like one long test, especially when we are not new to the dating game and have had our fingers burned previously. We know that it is within everyone to embellish the truth and unfortunately part of the dating ritual is to talk ourselves up, so sell ourselves as worthy. When this happens we must be careful not to go too far and add things that are untrue. Later our burgeoning relationship could fall apart through such white lies. And yet there are too few of us who stick 100% to the truth alone. There will come a point when we all add in some substance to our conversations to help our image to our date and to be honest this can all be part of the fun. But the basis of honesty has to be maintained when dating otherwise it is a pointless exercise. We are looking to share our quality time with someone so let’s be truthful from the outset.
There is an argument that when we are dating we are seeking someone like ourselves, a reflection of what we already feel about ourselves and the world around us. I think that is a mistaken view. I think what this theory really means is that we want to love and be loved and to allow this to happen we hope to find someone who not only matches some set of important criteria that we set ourselves but also someone who sees the world as we do. Not exactly perhaps, but close enough that we can grow further both as individuals and as a couple.
10/08/2007
Direct Dating - Take Control of Your Personal Life
Direct dating is a recent concept, it is the idea that people are taking responsibility for their own romantic lives and being direct in their dating methods. For the Internet dating generation, the dating life of singles everywhere is certainly a lot different now than from two or three generations ago. Our dating life should be fun, enjoyable and part of all single lives. However the tone in recent years for singles has taken on a more serious note. It is not that people out there dating are more protective of themselves, we always have been. It is that the quest for the perfect partner has become far more serious. People are taking on direct dating methods and deciding exactly who they want in advance. Which probably explains the rise of Internet dating in particular.As our lives have become more driven due to the pressures of daily life, due to career responsibilities and due financial burdens so our need to find someone compatible has taken a more deep rooted cause. In the past we may have been led to believe we should ‘make do’, we should ‘settle’ and that we should ‘be happy not to be left on the shelf’. These are old attitudes difficult to defend in today’s society.
In the last 40 years, modern advertising, communication and education has made us all more aware of who we are and where we are than ever before. It has created a self sustaining belief culture in ourselves, backed up by a huge multi million dollar self-help industry. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. However its effect has been one of allowing us perhaps to indulge in our fantasies more than ever before.
We are more career driven, we work longer hours and we are perhaps more tired than ever before. Many don’t take their full vacation allowance and watching TV has become an international past time. We don’t talk to people, we don’t allow ourselves to be as tolerant as we should be. In fact what we want in life appears to have become an exact science.
If we tie this in with our financial emancipation, it means that we now have a fit and healthy, self-confident, financially strong generation of liberated young people who know how to make qualified and deliberate choices for themselves. In turn this has overflowed into the modern dating scene. Dating life has become complex guys.
What is the result of this?
Well first of all it means that we have more singles and more divorced people. The reason for this can be attributed to a multitude of influences. But I believe the single biggest factor is the self-valuation we place upon ourselves. We are constantly reassured daily just how good we are. We are constantly told how fabulous we are and that we deserve the best. Us singles are winners, indeed we are. We are achievers, and to this end - just how much we deserve love. I agree. But the result is that almost every person we may encounter in our personal lives as a potential suitor becomes an interviewee. A person to be judged, a person to be analyzed, a person to be intercepted before there is any danger we ‘settle’, ‘make do’ and accept their interest in us as love.
The problem with this is that true love appears to be leaving us in droves. It appears to be a very scare commodity indeed in these enlightened days. We single people are all potential lovers in the modern dating scene. We are all open and available to that true love experience we crave. But an experience it is that we may perhaps miss out on. And that’s because we are not prepared to take a risk. We are not prepared to gamble. Dating is not a science, it is not a formula, its not in a book, its not even in this article. Its passion, its emotion, its felt in an instant and it is felt by living and interacting.
What differentiated us from our parents is that they may have taken that risk due to different circumstances to our own. Previous generations were not generally as wealthy, they did not have their own apartments so early and were not expected to stay single. So they took chances and made quick decisions. But they also felt alive and allowed their passion to breathe.
Today we find ourselves seated on a commuter train reading the latest self-help book on winning a guy, or how to make a date but the truth is that we should put the book down and smile at the person sitting opposite. We should join that club, make new friends, call up people we haven’t spoke to in ages. Stop worrying about the qualifications or bank balance of the person we recently were introduced to and look at their lips, imagine if they are a good kisser instead.
The rise in Internet dating is a key marker and indicator of just how many people are taking the initiative in finding a partner. People do not like being single in general and anyone who says we do is perpetuating a myth. Internet dating is allowing people greater choice than ever in selecting and finding the partner they desire and I feel they are right. Internet dating is not the only way to go, but it certainly is one very plausible choice.
In the end most of us will find love one way or the other, we will meet someone who makes us happy and vice versa. But our modern dating world is a tougher place to visit that’s for sure. We do need to be alert and we do need to have our own guidelines.
10/05/2007
Do Bad Guys Always get the Girl?
If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy, Mr. Bad Boy, always gets the girl !! If we remember the bad guys at school and college with the best looking babes it appears that the movies could be right. The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys ? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls, we see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America's Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what is going wrong? You see men are confused. Men like to refer to stereo types and work from them. We are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy, but then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides and be a modern man holding the baby.
Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends mean, never calls, is rude and unhelpful and shows little respect appears to have a fan club developing. Life my friends is often unfair. Okay let us look at what is going on with this scenario.
Interest. Yes, interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and are a law unto themselves. They do what they want. They go where they will and they answer to no one. They are interesting. Tow the line, do as you are told and you are dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not. Generally.
Bad Guys are a challenge, we all love a challenge. Women love a challenge just like guys. If something is a challenge the end results must surely be worthwhile? Of course and bad guys are a challenge. The girls who go after a bad guy want to keep them to themselves and will do a great deal to keep hold. The more you want them, the greater there is a chance they may walk away. Women love to feel good about themselves and getting their bad guy, at least for a while, satisfies that urge. This appeals to some people and the greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort to keep them. There may be a lesson there.
Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they are about and don' really care what others think. They are their own men and don't need others to prop them up. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves but that doesn't make them any less attractive. Bad guys don't have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos. Somewhat out of shape if Mr. Soprano doesn't mind me saying, but immensely attractive all the same.
What have we got if we combine these facets. Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality. That equals sexy. Is it any wonder therefore that such types of guys often get the gals. It doesn't mean to say that we like them and it doesn't mean to say that this is fair or a good thing. But it can be natures way.
I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. No not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our social arsenal of dating weaponry. It is first the way you perceive yourself that matters. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life then this will boost your attractiveness. You don't need to go round being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.
The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics and analyze within yourself what is it that you think partners like and how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.
Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends mean, never calls, is rude and unhelpful and shows little respect appears to have a fan club developing. Life my friends is often unfair. Okay let us look at what is going on with this scenario.
Interest. Yes, interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and are a law unto themselves. They do what they want. They go where they will and they answer to no one. They are interesting. Tow the line, do as you are told and you are dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not. Generally.
Bad Guys are a challenge, we all love a challenge. Women love a challenge just like guys. If something is a challenge the end results must surely be worthwhile? Of course and bad guys are a challenge. The girls who go after a bad guy want to keep them to themselves and will do a great deal to keep hold. The more you want them, the greater there is a chance they may walk away. Women love to feel good about themselves and getting their bad guy, at least for a while, satisfies that urge. This appeals to some people and the greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort to keep them. There may be a lesson there.
Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they are about and don' really care what others think. They are their own men and don't need others to prop them up. Some can become almost caricatures of themselves but that doesn't make them any less attractive. Bad guys don't have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos. Somewhat out of shape if Mr. Soprano doesn't mind me saying, but immensely attractive all the same.
What have we got if we combine these facets. Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality. That equals sexy. Is it any wonder therefore that such types of guys often get the gals. It doesn't mean to say that we like them and it doesn't mean to say that this is fair or a good thing. But it can be natures way.
I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. No not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our social arsenal of dating weaponry. It is first the way you perceive yourself that matters. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life then this will boost your attractiveness. You don't need to go round being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.
The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics and analyze within yourself what is it that you think partners like and how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.
10/02/2007
What Dating is All About
Dating someone is as hard as actually finding a date. To some finding a date is like a needle in a haystack; to others it is like a mountain flowing with honey. When a person is on the actual date, he tends to forget what the main point of the date is all about. People date to know more about one another and find out if they are right for each other. Thats how I view dating in my very idealistic world.
For some reasons such as sheer joy, beauty or awe of the person you are dating. The dater may tend to forget all about the characteristics or traits he or she looks for. The daters may just suddenly like the person for the simplest reason of being pretty or being able to make you feel good because she looks like a model. You must try to avoid falling into a relationship where only the surface matters.
You might be pretty vain if you do think youre happy with a relationship based on the surface only. Who wouldnt want a good looking person for a date or a relationship? However these things might fail in the long run because you havent based what you really want in the characteristics of the person. Lets just say that being beautiful is an advantage that makes a person stands out from the crowd. However it is really the characteristic and attitude of a person that should make you decide if the person is right for you.
Here is another common misconception about people. If you have the looks you are considered to be having some kind of attitude. This is because you wont need to rely having a great attitude to find yourself a date. While the people who look like the average Joes and Janes would need to have a great attitude. It may be true but not for all. We should never stereotype because by doing so, will also limit a persons chance of finding a date.
Here are the usual things or characteristics that are important to some people.
Humor is a great thing to look for in a person. Being with a humorous person helps ease the tension of the date a bit. It also makes the date more fun and enjoyable.
The eyes are the windows of the soul. Eye contact would be a great way to learn more about the emotions the other person is conveying. A person can also see the truth, honesty and understanding of a person through the eyes.
We should also look for a partner that is very understanding. It would be pretty irritating to find a judging partner. The partner should learn to accept the mistakes of the other in some cases and support him or her. This could be commonly displayed among the simplest of things. Such as where to dine, what to do or even having a great conversation.
The important thing to look for is the honesty and truth of a person. A relationship will not last very long when it is based on hidden agendas and lies. One partner may feel very jealous or have doubts about the relationship. So honesty is very important and is a hard one to develop.
It is a common misconception that people look for people like them. This might be true for some, but the more general truth is that we all just want a person that can be able to understand our own personality.
By Graham Billingham
DrDating.com
For some reasons such as sheer joy, beauty or awe of the person you are dating. The dater may tend to forget all about the characteristics or traits he or she looks for. The daters may just suddenly like the person for the simplest reason of being pretty or being able to make you feel good because she looks like a model. You must try to avoid falling into a relationship where only the surface matters.
You might be pretty vain if you do think youre happy with a relationship based on the surface only. Who wouldnt want a good looking person for a date or a relationship? However these things might fail in the long run because you havent based what you really want in the characteristics of the person. Lets just say that being beautiful is an advantage that makes a person stands out from the crowd. However it is really the characteristic and attitude of a person that should make you decide if the person is right for you.
Here is another common misconception about people. If you have the looks you are considered to be having some kind of attitude. This is because you wont need to rely having a great attitude to find yourself a date. While the people who look like the average Joes and Janes would need to have a great attitude. It may be true but not for all. We should never stereotype because by doing so, will also limit a persons chance of finding a date.
Here are the usual things or characteristics that are important to some people.
Humor is a great thing to look for in a person. Being with a humorous person helps ease the tension of the date a bit. It also makes the date more fun and enjoyable.
The eyes are the windows of the soul. Eye contact would be a great way to learn more about the emotions the other person is conveying. A person can also see the truth, honesty and understanding of a person through the eyes.
We should also look for a partner that is very understanding. It would be pretty irritating to find a judging partner. The partner should learn to accept the mistakes of the other in some cases and support him or her. This could be commonly displayed among the simplest of things. Such as where to dine, what to do or even having a great conversation.
The important thing to look for is the honesty and truth of a person. A relationship will not last very long when it is based on hidden agendas and lies. One partner may feel very jealous or have doubts about the relationship. So honesty is very important and is a hard one to develop.
It is a common misconception that people look for people like them. This might be true for some, but the more general truth is that we all just want a person that can be able to understand our own personality.
By Graham Billingham
DrDating.com
10/01/2007
Dating: A Guy's Bare Essentials For Successful Dating
When going out on a date there are some basics that are worth listing in a quick list to cover the essentials. Whilst we all know this stuff it is always worth reminding ourselves as guys as to how to get the foundations right.
Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.
I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know
Bathe
This may sound cheeky but the worst thing you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date with her) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will judge you on how hygienic you are, after all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a hippie that hadn`t bathed for a while (no offense). It doesn`t cost to take a bath and make an effort. Remember bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time. Even if you are just having a bad day (hey, girls have bad hair days all the time) she won`t see beyond your appearance - fickle, but true!
Arrive on Time
The worst thing you can do is turn up late! Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions that you definitely don`t want her to think. Women always assume the worst and one of the worst is turning up late. Not only will she think that she has been stood up, but will also think that you are unreliable. If you are picking her up from her home, then it is advisable to turn up 5 minute before you are due. Any earlier and she will be adjusting her make up, or still getting ready and won`t want you to see her half finished. Turning up late... well just don`t!
Be a Gentleman
Hold the door open for her, let her walk through the door first, pull out her chair, be polite to her and the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
Compliment Her
The first thing to say to her is "you look beautiful" before you even ask how she is. Keep the compliments flowing throughout your date, such as "your hair looks nice, I like the color of it, your eyes are very sparkly" etc.. But do not go overboard! A woman loves to be complimented, feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful. However, most important of all, she needs to feel you are attracted to her.
Listen to Her and Ask Questions
Nobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves, or not listening to what the other person is saying. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. There is nothing more that a woman likes than when someone is interested in what they have to say.
I remember once I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for some friends. There was a man and woman sitting at the table next to mine and I couldn`t help overhearing their conversation (rather him talking about himself). I could tell it was their first date from what he was telling her about himself. "I play Saturday league football, I like boxing".... He went on like this for about 10 minutes without stopping, or asking her questions. She was just sitting there nodding slightly every so often, and looking bored. That day left an impact on me, and every time I have been on a date since, I have been conscious of the woman, and took an interest in what she had to say. This is probably the best bit of advice I could give.
Prepare
The last thing you want is to be sitting having a meal and the conversation dry`s up, and you are left for the rest of the night bored with each other. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her, and in return what you would like her to know about you. Try and think of any questions that she might ask you, so that you can prepare the answer. You think that it is easy to talk, and that you will not run out of questions to ask, or that you will automatically have the answers. But until you are there, and in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. You can avoid all of this by meeting for a quick drink, then go on to see a film, so at least you will have something to talk about.
Who Will Pay?
This is a really tough question, as now women are more independent and like to pay their way. I suggest that you offer to pay and if she lets you, then pay. If she wants to pay, you can argue that you want to at least pay for half the bill. If she offers to split again, you can argue (that is if you want to), but if she insists on splitting then let her pay half.
The Goodnight Kiss
Some women prefer not to kiss after a date, others are disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this. The only answer I can come up with is; wait until either she makes the first move, or that you both know when you are ready. Watch out for body language and little touches, but I would not advise sex on the first date unless she wants to.
I'll Call You
Only tell her that you will call her if you mean it, and intend on seeing her again. This is an awkward situation, and most of the time the easiest solution is, to take her number and tell her you will call her, but don`t if you are not interested. When saying good-bye just say "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck, or you could just say good night, smile, and walk away. But if you do like her and are interested, then you have to let her know
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